An urgent matter is at hand requiring your unprecedented connection to the spirit world.
For years, I’ve tracked the passing rate of grandmothers during an academic semester. And by passing rate, I don’t mean grade distribution. Based on my data, the rate at which grandmothers exit this world spikes dramatically in mid October and early December.
As a parent of college age children yourself, you can imagine the emotional stress caused by this statistical aberration that I’ve coined the ‘Granny Graph’. Numbers, like spirit, do not lie – grandmothers’ deaths are perfectly correlated with college midterms and finals. This in turn causes an avalanche of late papers, missed tests and weeks of absences.
I realize that despite your VIP pass to the spirit world, there’s nothing you can do to prevent these tragic events. (I imagine you’d be mobbed by swarm of tearful grandfathers if you could!)
However, I was hoping that before the semester starts you could offer college students around the world a mass scale reading. A one-size fits all pope-like message from grandmothers passed. I’m sure their comforting words would go something like this:
“If you dare to lie about my passing in order to get out of a test, midterm, final or paper, I will personally pay you a visit in the middle of the night. I’ll wait for a rainy, thundering night and I’ll make sure to bring your crazy Uncle ________.”
Thank you for considering this request. And thank you for connecting with my own grandmother at the Tarrytown Music Hall in 2012! Say hi to Larry and the kids.
Your Biggest Fan,
Professor Deirdre Verne