College Excuses

As Spring Break nears, I have to prepare myself for the onslaught of ridiculous excuses used by college students to squeeze out another day of vacation.

 

To be fair, let’s assume that if your grandmother is alive today, there’s a good chance she’ll still be alive next week which means you’ll be able to return to school when classes resume.

 

Next, let’s assume you most likely will not contract a Caribbean virus like Dengue fever that prevents you from boarding your return flight. In addition, there is no evidence to suggest that passengers can’t fly with a severe hangover.

 

Another point. Consider the circumstantial evidence when you present me with your excuse for missing an extra day or two of class after break. If you’re tan and relaxed, I’ll be less likely to believe that your boat, flight or car was hijacked by island pirates.  I’m also less likely to believe you were hospitalized if your tan is still golden. And as far as missing luggage goes, I don’t care what you wear to class as long as you show up.

 

My most favorite excuse for returning to campus late was told to me by a fellow teacher.  It’s so insane, I’d almost like to accept it since technically, there is supportive evidence.

 

                                            “I couldn’t get back in time for class. I was getting plastic surgery in a foreign country.”

 

If you’ve got a whopper of a lie you ‘d like to let us in on, please share!

 

  • Miranda Closson

    This was definitely a laugh out loud post!
    One time I was in class with a kid who told my teacher, he was car jacked…
    Let’s remember, it was a 10 am class that ended at 10:50 and he came walking in at 10:30.. saying he got car jacked. Who gets car jacked in broad daylight?

  • Alfelix

    On a vacation to the Dominican Republic a few years back, my cousin and I were cruising around the city when a motorcycle crossed in front of us at an intersection. My cousin was driving the car I rented and we hit the brakes but it was too late. The 3 people, yes, 3 that were speeding across the intersection were sent flying. Obviously we stopped, and since my cousin did not have a driver’s license at the time, I hopped in the drivers seat and pretended I was driving, thinking the insurance would take care of everything. Unfortunately, things don’t work the same over there. At one point we were escorted to the police headquarters, attempted black mails, and court appearances, and flight changes occurred. To make a long story short, I bribed my way out of the country, and have not returned since in case they are still looking for me. Yes, this is a true story. And, my family still goes to the Dominican Republic every couple of years. They just don’t know why I always refuse to go with them. I just hope that if I would have brought that story to your desk, you would have believed me. At least I have a story for you ready, in case I return and don’t make it back from the Dominican Republic next time.

  • Joyce Palomeque

    Definitely funny! I had a kid in my Pre-Calc class two semesters back come in my class telling my professor he had to get his mom from the hospital and he seemed really concerned, depressed, exhausted, etc. Which I even felt compassion for him and his mom. So the professor told him that he was okay, and to make up his work. This class was only 45 minutes that day and I had to go to work right after this class. When I go to work, I see this kid jamming out and hanging out with his friends in the cafe being silly. Totally got annoyed… and… I snitched him out 😡 lol

  • Yulissa Jimenez

    This is ridiculously accurate! But oddly sometimes these weird things really do happen! My first semester of college, i got a kitten that grew very fast. He literally scratched and tore my take home midterm exam that was due after spring break! To be fair i did have proof, so everything was fine then… then my cat died.

  • Stephen Honovich

    This is absolutely hilarious. It brought me back to my undergrad days (and even HS days) as I used to come up with any reason to miss class or hand in an assignment late. Maybe If I had been as creative as some of the suggestions above, my excuses would have worked more often!
    Despite getting a kick out of the post, I was surprised to learn about how much my perspective has evolved. As I mentioned above, I used to love trying to skip class or hand in something late when I was an undergrad. I was young, receiving financial help from my parents, and too naïve to think about the future. I lived in the moment, and a night out, a pickup basketball game, or even a nap were reason enough to shirk my responsibilities.
    Now that I am older and taking some courses entirely of my own volition (and on my own dime), I can’t even fathom wanting to skip class. I move heaven and earth to get to class on time and work tirelessly to finish all of my assignments. I want to wring every last bit of knowledge out of the education that I am paying for! It is interesting how priorities change over time.

  • Niurka Viloria

    This is so funny!… I remember when I first started college in this country back in 2011. I was going to Berkeley College and I will not forget the excuse this girl gave to the professor when she showed up late for an accounting exam… ” I was late because I had to go to my Doctor, so I can get the “morning after pill”, lol!. The whole class had the same reaction, WOW!.

  • Gerald Cox

    Thats hysterical. Last Spring during one of my classes, a student came to class about 35 minutes late on test day. He broke out in tears explaining how he was stuck in traffic on the Sprain and that it was out of his control. Little did he know that the professor took the Sprain just before class started and stated that it was practically empty. There was a pretty shocking look on the students face after the professor told him this.

  • Jerry Saint Aubin

    I am laughing whilst writing this. About two semesters ago a friend of mine decided that spring break deserved to be two weeks. He had a plan to use photoshop to create a letter from his doctor saying he had been sick. Two weeks passed and he finally came to the class. He provided the letter to the teacher. The teacher looked at him and told him to get out. On the letter he changed the date to a day that had not occurred yet. The entire class was in shock.

  • MIchael A

    Like most students , I have had a mere instance of weakness and poor judgement during my scholastic career during which I was forced to make an excuse up to validate my absences. However, unlike some of the poorly constructed excuses above, I made sure to do countless hours of research, examining every possible scenario my excuse could lead to. I had to be sure that regardless of how skeptical my teacher may have been, my excuse was so extravagant and flawless, that there is no loose ends regardless of the questions thrown at me when i returned. As any other magician, I am hesitant to reveal the secret to the “excuse”trade, however I can leave one point of valuable advice; prior planning prevents poor performance

  • Nikolaas Eickelbeck

    I completly agree with your agrument. A student had a week or so to relax, there is no need to grab an extra day. Relating it to when you actually get a job, if you dont come in the next day after your vacation you’ll get fired. Then you wont be able to afford that vacation for next year at all!

  • Delia Courtney

    I have heard far too many excuses that have left me laughing to myself. Whether it be a friend who is panicking after realizing she cant finish an assignment in time or a classmate who sprints in late to class after studying all night. While I was going to write out one of those clever (or not so) excuses, I decided to write out an ironic theoretical. I was considering whether or not I should post my comment a day later and then make up a ridiculous excuse in this forum as a joke. I decided against that, for fear of receiving a zero, which is now my excuse for actually doing the assignment. So, there is a little irony for you today, hopefully you understand this post! I realize it may be a bit confusing…